Leaning Into Compassion
“Compassion is not a virtue—it is a commitment. It's not something we have or don't have—it's something we choose to practice.”
– Brene Brown
Each and every one of us carries hidden insecurities and fears, failures and inadequacies. But to be human is to be imperfect, and this often leads to feelings of frustration and hurt.
Therefore, finding ways to be compassionate towards one another can lead to stronger relationships with your peers, and with yourself. In fact, research shows that compassion has positive side effects, for both your relationships and your mental state.
Instead of treating compassion as a virtue, what if we approached it as a practice? As stated by Brene Brown in the above quote, compassion is something we choose. So, let’s dive deeper into the process of developing a practice of compassion, in all its forms.
The Science of Compassion
First, here are some reasons why compassion should be part of your daily practice.
HELPING OTHERS CAN BRING US PLEASURE
In a study from Emory University, participants were asked to help someone else while their brain activity was recorded. Results showed that helping others triggered the brain activity associated with pleasure and reward, bringing us the same joy we get from gratification of personal desire.
COMPASSION HAS CALMING SIDE EFFECTS
When you feel compassion for others, your heart rate goes down, as opposed to an increased heart rate in a threatening situation. That's why mothers tend to comfort a crying baby, rather than panic trying to figure out why it’s crying.
PRACTICING COMPASSION PRODUCES OXYTOCIN
A friendly smile, a soft touch, or a kind gesture to another person triggers your body to produce more oxytocin, creating a chemical reaction that motivates you to be more compassionate. Starting your day with a positive attitude towards others actually makes it easier to continue being compassionate all day long.
How To: Practice Self-Compassion
Being compassionate towards yourself can be the most challenging – to forgive yourself of any wrongdoing or to properly praise yourself for any wins both require tremendous effort and courage.
Treating yourself with compassion means being aware of where you are emotionally, knowing what you need, and being able to extend that information to someone else. So here’s a way you can start to practice compassion towards yourself:
Try writing yourself a letter from the perspective of an unconditionally loving friend. Imagine they can see your strengths and weaknesses. Focus on the inadequacies you tend to judge yourself for, and think about what this friend would say to you.
Keep in mind they are coming from a place of understanding and compassion, and have a deep desire for your health and happiness. When finished with the letter, step away from it for a while, then come back to it and read it out loud. Let the words sink in.
Check out our other post, Wellness How To: Hit Your Mid-Year Reset, for specific ways to reset your self-talk away from negative patterns and towards greater self-compassion.
How To: Respond with compassion
With compassion, it’s possible to turn hurt into healing – with an understanding of how to show compassion for yourself, you’re able to extend that feeling in a way that can aim to improve someone else’s situation – whether it’s an argument with a loved one, a family member, or a stranger.
By following these four steps, we’re able to effectively communicate and reduce our frustration towards others:
IDENTIFY THE PROBLEM SITUATION
Is stress from a big move causing arguments about petty things like salt shakers? Are there certain words or phrases a friend says that make you feel bad about yourself? Take a moment to step back and examine what is causing the tension.
IDENTIFY THE ACTIONS CONTRIBUTING TO THE PROBLEM SITUATION
Sometimes actions can be obvious, like a friend or partner picking fights over anything and everything, or sometimes it can be more subtle like disregarding your boundaries. By understanding what specifically they are doing to cause you harm, you can begin to understand how to address it.
IDENTIFY WHICH OF YOUR NEEDS WERE NOT MET IN THOSE ACTIONS
Make connections and understand what you need that you did not receive. What boundaries do you have that were disregarded? In what ways does this interaction not reflect who you are or what you believe in?
MOVE FORWARD
Consider that the other person was not aware of those needs, and use this additional context to think about communicating with them in a new way. With more compassionate communication, we’re able to set our relationships and conversations up for success..
Understanding the Nuance of Compassion
It’s important to understand the nuance between sympathy, empathy, and compassion. Unlike empathy and sympathy, compassion creates emotional distance from the individual and the situation we’re facing, allowing us to be proactive in our actions.
Sympathy is our feelings of sorrow, pity, or concern for others. – “I feel for you”
Empathy is our feeling of awareness toward other people’s emotions and an attempt to understand how they feel. – “I feel with you”
Compassion is an emotional response to sympathy, which creates a desire to help. –“I am moved by you”
Conclusion
Compassion is an invaluable skill in the workplace to help you build deeper, more meaningful relationships with your team members and peers. It also improves the relationship with yourself, allowing you to feel more comfortable with your career. For more content on compassion and personal development, visit our blog at onthegoga.com/blog.
